1 00:00:31,767 --> 00:00:34,200 Thank you, dear. 2 00:00:37,567 --> 00:00:40,033 Isn't it time we went back to the class. 3 00:00:40,133 --> 00:00:41,033 We OK yet. 4 00:00:41,133 --> 00:00:42,600 We wait for Giovanni. 5 00:00:42,700 --> 00:00:43,533 Have a sit down. 6 00:00:43,633 --> 00:00:44,433 Sit. 7 00:00:44,533 --> 00:00:45,700 Charlie. 8 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,100 This is Sid, the care taker. 9 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:51,567 Most happy to be making your acquaintance. 10 00:00:51,667 --> 00:00:53,233 Nice to meet you. 11 00:00:53,333 --> 00:00:54,667 You want a cup of coffee, Sid? 12 00:00:54,767 --> 00:00:55,600 Ay? 13 00:00:55,700 --> 00:00:56,633 A cup of coffee. 14 00:00:56,733 --> 00:00:57,567 No thanks. 15 00:00:57,667 --> 00:00:59,200 No, I'd soon have a fag. 16 00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:00,967 Surely, you can have a fag! 17 00:01:01,067 --> 00:01:04,167 Hey, Max, cigarette for Sid. 18 00:01:04,267 --> 00:01:05,233 Very kind of you. 19 00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:14,167 Sid is going to talk to us. 20 00:01:14,267 --> 00:01:16,067 What is he going to be talking about? 21 00:01:16,167 --> 00:01:17,033 Well, anything. 22 00:01:17,133 --> 00:01:18,667 It's to improve our English. 23 00:01:18,767 --> 00:01:21,533 Instead of us all the time speak to each other, 24 00:01:21,633 --> 00:01:22,733 we speak with Sid. 25 00:01:22,833 --> 00:01:25,133 I think that's a good idea. 26 00:01:25,233 --> 00:01:26,833 Well, what are we going to talk about? 27 00:01:26,933 --> 00:01:27,900 You'll have to talk up. 28 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:29,500 I'm a big man, Jeff. 29 00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:31,333 Excuse me. 30 00:01:31,433 --> 00:01:35,067 Who are these Mutt and Jeff? 31 00:01:35,167 --> 00:01:37,033 Mutt and Jeff is deaf. 32 00:01:37,133 --> 00:01:38,700 - Ah,.. - What 33 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:40,600 are we going to talk about? 34 00:01:40,700 --> 00:01:41,833 Oh, I don't know. 35 00:01:41,933 --> 00:01:45,100 I'd sooner see him with me plates of meat. 36 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:46,400 Excuse me. 37 00:01:46,500 --> 00:01:49,800 I'm not seeing any plates of meat. 38 00:01:49,900 --> 00:01:50,700 No, no. 39 00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:53,367 Plates of meat is feet. 40 00:01:53,467 --> 00:01:56,433 Your feet are plates of meat? 41 00:01:56,533 --> 00:01:57,233 Yeah. 42 00:01:57,333 --> 00:01:58,667 It's slang, you see. 43 00:01:58,767 --> 00:02:01,867 It's dead easy if you use your Uncle Ned. 44 00:02:01,967 --> 00:02:03,933 I don't have an Uncle Ned. 45 00:02:04,033 --> 00:02:04,833 Huh? 46 00:02:04,933 --> 00:02:05,833 No, Uncle Ned. 47 00:02:05,933 --> 00:02:07,233 Your Uncle Ned. - Uncle Ned? 48 00:02:07,333 --> 00:02:08,500 - Yeah. - Uncle Ned? 49 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:09,300 Yeah. 50 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:11,633 Oh, you mean he's crazy? 51 00:02:11,733 --> 00:02:12,533 No. 52 00:02:12,633 --> 00:02:13,633 I think you are though. 53 00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:15,967 I think you were taking a Mickey out of me. 54 00:02:16,067 --> 00:02:17,267 No. 55 00:02:17,367 --> 00:02:19,633 But we are interested in everything you tell us. 56 00:02:19,733 --> 00:02:22,333 You're already teaching us words we not learn before. 57 00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:23,533 Yes, please teach us more. 58 00:02:23,633 --> 00:02:24,867 Yeah? 59 00:02:24,967 --> 00:02:26,633 All right, I'll tell you what happened to me last night. 60 00:02:26,733 --> 00:02:28,000 Yes, please. 61 00:02:28,100 --> 00:02:29,767 Well, I went home and I had bull and a cow 62 00:02:29,867 --> 00:02:31,467 with a traveling stripe, you see? 63 00:02:31,567 --> 00:02:34,600 It was ,, so I went down 64 00:02:34,700 --> 00:02:36,067 and throwed the toad into the rub-a-dub 65 00:02:36,167 --> 00:02:37,800 and I met an old China plate. 66 00:02:37,900 --> 00:02:40,700 It looked to be Uncle Dick, so I got me Jack the dandy 67 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:44,600 and had a One thing led to the other, 68 00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:48,167 we both got. 69 00:02:48,267 --> 00:02:50,467 And I'm standing out dirt 70 00:02:50,567 --> 00:02:52,867 and me daisy roots, and fell backwards 71 00:02:52,967 --> 00:02:54,733 on the apples and pears. 72 00:02:58,567 --> 00:03:03,400 We are better off talking with each other. 73 00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:05,467 Isn't it time you were all back in the classroom? 74 00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:06,400 Sorry, Professore. 75 00:03:06,500 --> 00:03:08,100 We've just been talking with Sid. 76 00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:09,633 Oh, yeah, I've been trying to help 77 00:03:09,733 --> 00:03:10,900 with their English, Mr. Brown. 78 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,600 Oh, that should set them back a few weeks 79 00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:13,500 I beg your pardon? 80 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:14,900 Oh, it doesn't matter. 81 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,433 Oh, all right. 82 00:03:16,533 --> 00:03:19,367 We are not understanding a word he is saying, Mr. Brown. 83 00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:23,633 Hes telling us about his Uncle Dick, and somebody called Jack 84 00:03:23,733 --> 00:03:26,800 the Dandy, and. 85 00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:28,533 He was speaking in rhyming slang. 86 00:03:28,633 --> 00:03:32,100 And all the time, we think he's English. 87 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,233 He is English. 88 00:03:33,333 --> 00:03:34,533 He is what is known as a Cockney. 89 00:03:34,633 --> 00:03:36,600 You see, rhyming slang he's merely using words 90 00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:38,833 that rhyme with the word you wish to use. 91 00:03:38,933 --> 00:03:41,633 For example, mince pies is eyes. 92 00:03:41,733 --> 00:03:42,733 Plates of meet are feet. 93 00:03:42,833 --> 00:03:43,633 Yes. 94 00:03:43,733 --> 00:03:44,700 I understand. 95 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:45,900 Uncle Ned is head. 96 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:47,133 That's right. 97 00:03:47,233 --> 00:03:48,633 And what is Uncle Dick? 98 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,800 I presume that's sick. 99 00:03:54,900 --> 00:03:56,400 And Jack the Dandy? 100 00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:57,567 Brandy. 101 00:03:57,667 --> 00:03:58,667 And the? 102 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:03,833 Drunk. 103 00:04:03,933 --> 00:04:05,067 But that's not a rhyme. 104 00:04:05,167 --> 00:04:06,100 Yeah, well, it's near enough. 105 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:07,467 Come on, it's-- 106 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:11,200 What is going on in here? 107 00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:12,233 Where is Mr. Brown? 108 00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:13,400 Oh, he will be here any minute. 109 00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:15,167 He is coming from the tea room. 110 00:04:21,367 --> 00:04:24,333 10 minutes is the normal time allowed for tea, Mr. Brown. 111 00:04:24,433 --> 00:04:25,267 Of course. 112 00:04:25,367 --> 00:04:26,800 We were discussing parts of speech. 113 00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:28,900 Well, in future I'd be obliged if you'd do it in the class. 114 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:29,800 Certainly. 115 00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:31,267 Now, then. 116 00:04:31,367 --> 00:04:32,833 How are your students coming along with their English? 117 00:04:32,933 --> 00:04:34,200 - Extremely well. - Good. 118 00:04:34,300 --> 00:04:36,233 Then I shall stay and listen for a few minutes. 119 00:04:36,333 --> 00:04:37,000 Ah. 120 00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:37,900 But don't worry. 121 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:39,300 I shan't interfere. 122 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:41,500 I make it a practice to drop on the classes 123 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,500 from time to time to see what sort of progress is being made. 124 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,767 It's beef stroganoff in the cookery class tonight. 125 00:04:47,867 --> 00:04:49,267 Are you trying to get rid of me? 126 00:04:49,367 --> 00:04:51,700 No, I just thought you might, uh, fancy a bit. 127 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,800 I mean, uh-- 128 00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:55,867 Well, I don't. 129 00:04:55,967 --> 00:04:58,267 So will you please begin? 130 00:04:58,367 --> 00:04:59,200 Right. 131 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,233 For the rest of this period, we're 132 00:05:01,333 --> 00:05:02,933 going to talk about shopping. 133 00:05:03,033 --> 00:05:04,100 Oh, I like him. 134 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,400 He's very good. 135 00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:08,367 Pardon? 136 00:05:08,467 --> 00:05:09,133 Chopin. 137 00:05:09,233 --> 00:05:10,067 I like his polonaises. 138 00:05:10,167 --> 00:05:11,700 Of Bom ba bom. 139 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,600 Ba ba ba ba bom ba bom. 140 00:05:14,700 --> 00:05:16,400 Bom ba bom. 141 00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:19,167 No, Giovanni, that's Chopin. 142 00:05:19,267 --> 00:05:20,400 He must have misheard me. 143 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,033 Now, we're going to talk about shopping. 144 00:05:22,133 --> 00:05:23,700 Buying things. 145 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:26,433 Now I have here various items which at some time or another 146 00:05:26,533 --> 00:05:28,133 you will all probably have to purchase. 147 00:05:28,233 --> 00:05:30,400 So I'm going to hold them up and ask you to identify them, 148 00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:31,567 and we'll see how well you do. 149 00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:33,200 All right. Who should we start with? 150 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:33,933 Ali. 151 00:05:34,033 --> 00:05:34,867 Yes, please. 152 00:05:34,967 --> 00:05:35,833 - What is this? - Apple. 153 00:05:35,933 --> 00:05:36,733 Yeah. 154 00:05:38,967 --> 00:05:39,800 Lovely. 155 00:05:39,900 --> 00:05:40,867 Very good. 156 00:05:40,967 --> 00:05:42,833 You're not supposed to eat it. 157 00:05:42,933 --> 00:05:44,167 Oh, I'm most sorry. 158 00:05:44,267 --> 00:05:47,400 I only had a small bite. 159 00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:49,100 You may as well finish it now. 160 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,400 Xiu Lee, what is this? 161 00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:52,600 It is olange. 162 00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:53,500 Rrrr. 163 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:54,433 Rrrr. 164 00:05:54,533 --> 00:05:55,667 Orange. 165 00:05:55,767 --> 00:05:57,367 O ringe. 166 00:05:57,467 --> 00:05:58,433 That's better. 167 00:05:58,533 --> 00:06:01,167 You really must work at those R sounds. 168 00:06:01,267 --> 00:06:02,733 I tlied velly hard. 169 00:06:02,833 --> 00:06:09,267 Try saying "Around the rugged rock, the ragged rascal ran." 170 00:06:09,367 --> 00:06:13,200 A lound the lugged lock, the lagged lascal lan. 171 00:06:17,133 --> 00:06:19,567 Yes, you're going to have to keep practicing. 172 00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:21,400 Anna, what is this? 173 00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:22,433 Paper bag. 174 00:06:22,533 --> 00:06:24,133 Yes. 175 00:06:24,233 --> 00:06:25,433 Yes, but what's inside it? 176 00:06:25,533 --> 00:06:26,200 I do not know. 177 00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:28,333 I cannot see inside. 178 00:06:28,433 --> 00:06:29,100 It's flour. 179 00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,367 You know what flour is. 180 00:06:30,467 --> 00:06:32,533 Yah, what you wear to wedding. 181 00:06:35,567 --> 00:06:36,967 No, it's not that kind of flower. 182 00:06:37,067 --> 00:06:39,333 This is how to make pastry and bread. 183 00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:42,633 Ah, weiss meal. 184 00:06:42,733 --> 00:06:45,100 Jamila, what is this? 185 00:06:47,267 --> 00:06:50,267 Yes, I'm sure you're right, but what is it in English? 186 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:55,267 Have you never heard of a carrot? 187 00:06:55,367 --> 00:06:56,033 Carrot? 188 00:06:56,133 --> 00:06:58,167 Yes, carrot. 189 00:06:58,267 --> 00:07:01,667 Oh, huh, horse and carrot. 190 00:07:05,267 --> 00:07:06,300 It's incredible. 191 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,133 No, no, no. 192 00:07:07,233 --> 00:07:09,167 Jamila, that's horse and cart. 193 00:07:09,267 --> 00:07:11,533 This is, this is a carrot. 194 00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:16,267 Who can tell me what these are? 195 00:07:16,367 --> 00:07:17,400 - Fish fingers. - Good. 196 00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:18,133 Well done. 197 00:07:18,233 --> 00:07:19,133 Excuse, please. 198 00:07:19,233 --> 00:07:20,533 No, Ali, don't say it. 199 00:07:20,633 --> 00:07:21,633 Why do I not say? 200 00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,167 You were going to say something about fish 201 00:07:23,267 --> 00:07:24,367 not having fingers. 202 00:07:24,467 --> 00:07:25,133 Yes, please. 203 00:07:25,233 --> 00:07:28,333 Yeah, well, don't bother. 204 00:07:28,433 --> 00:07:29,533 Max? 205 00:07:29,633 --> 00:07:30,467 Tom-ah-tow. 206 00:07:30,567 --> 00:07:31,667 Good. 207 00:07:31,767 --> 00:07:33,100 Taro? 208 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,033 Po-tah-tow. 209 00:07:35,133 --> 00:07:36,367 Po-tay-tow. 210 00:07:36,467 --> 00:07:37,300 Ah, so. 211 00:07:42,467 --> 00:07:43,767 Giovanni? 212 00:07:43,867 --> 00:07:44,767 Uh, lime juice. 213 00:07:44,867 --> 00:07:45,700 Good. 214 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:46,733 Juan? 215 00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:47,633 Cow juice. 216 00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:54,933 Milk. 217 00:07:55,033 --> 00:07:55,833 Ah, si. 218 00:07:55,933 --> 00:07:57,067 Milk. 219 00:07:57,167 --> 00:07:59,900 Do you know where we get milk from, Juan? 220 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,267 Si, senora. The milk man. 221 00:08:05,033 --> 00:08:06,700 Quiet, please. 222 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,200 We get milk from cows. 223 00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:08,933 Si. 224 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:12,533 Cow. 225 00:08:12,633 --> 00:08:14,433 Ranjheet? 226 00:08:14,533 --> 00:08:17,267 Corn flakes? 227 00:08:17,367 --> 00:08:19,167 - No, oats. - Oats? 228 00:08:19,267 --> 00:08:19,900 Ah. 229 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,233 That is oats. 230 00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:23,467 My friend, who I am working with, 231 00:08:23,567 --> 00:08:27,533 every morning he is telling me last night he's had his oats. 232 00:08:32,367 --> 00:08:36,167 He's telling me he is liking them very much. 233 00:08:36,267 --> 00:08:39,133 I'm sure he does. 234 00:08:39,233 --> 00:08:40,800 Who can tell me what this is? 235 00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:42,167 - Back-on. - Good. 236 00:08:42,267 --> 00:08:43,367 And where does back-- 237 00:08:43,467 --> 00:08:44,167 bacon come from? 238 00:08:44,267 --> 00:08:45,233 Uh, the milk man. 239 00:08:48,633 --> 00:08:50,967 Bacon does not come from the milk man. 240 00:08:51,067 --> 00:08:53,633 Every week I buy the bacon from the milk man. 241 00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:54,567 Pig. 242 00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:55,567 Pig. 243 00:08:55,667 --> 00:08:56,333 Pig? 244 00:08:56,433 --> 00:08:59,300 You are calling me a pig? 245 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:03,167 You are a pig, you Italian ravioli. 246 00:09:03,267 --> 00:09:06,333 Ah, shut your plates of meat, you Uncle Ned. 247 00:09:06,433 --> 00:09:07,333 All right. 248 00:09:07,433 --> 00:09:08,367 That'll do. 249 00:09:08,467 --> 00:09:10,400 Juan, what Giovanni was trying to say 250 00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:13,733 is that bacon comes from a pig. 251 00:09:13,833 --> 00:09:15,200 Sorry. 252 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:17,600 Now, can anyone tell me what we call 253 00:09:17,700 --> 00:09:19,833 a pig after it has been killed? 254 00:09:19,933 --> 00:09:20,900 Yes, please. 255 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,133 It is dead pig. 256 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:29,300 No, Ali, you know that's pork. 257 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:30,733 - Right. - What is this? 258 00:09:30,833 --> 00:09:31,667 Anybody? 259 00:09:31,767 --> 00:09:32,800 Tin of meat? 260 00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:34,000 Yes. 261 00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:36,033 Well, actually, it's a tin of dog meat. 262 00:09:36,133 --> 00:09:37,300 Oh, blimey. 263 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:40,733 They are putting Dogs in tins to eat? 264 00:09:40,833 --> 00:09:42,967 I think I've heard enough. 265 00:09:43,067 --> 00:09:44,600 They are better than they were. 266 00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:45,800 They could hardly be worse. 267 00:09:49,367 --> 00:09:50,600 She's absolutely right, you know. 268 00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:52,200 Some of you are very behind with your English. 269 00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,733 I mean, I spend a lot of time preparing these lessons, 270 00:09:53,833 --> 00:09:56,500 and some of you don't take them half as seriously as you might. 271 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,100 It's time you put your shoulders to the wheel. 272 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,400 What wheel, please? 273 00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:01,667 Learning. 274 00:10:01,767 --> 00:10:05,000 I think you'd better stay a half hour extra tonight. 275 00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:06,567 It's Friday night! 276 00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:07,767 And I got a date. 277 00:10:07,867 --> 00:10:09,067 Yeah, well, I don't care. 278 00:10:09,167 --> 00:10:10,700 I want you to do all the exercises on page 53. 279 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:11,867 All of them. 280 00:10:11,967 --> 00:10:13,133 And you don't go until you've finished. 281 00:10:31,167 --> 00:10:33,633 Good night. 282 00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:40,900 I've locked up the tea room, Sid. 283 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,000 Thanks,. 284 00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:43,367 You fancy a drink, girl? 285 00:10:43,467 --> 00:10:44,133 No, ta. 286 00:10:44,233 --> 00:10:45,200 I want to get home. 287 00:10:45,300 --> 00:10:46,200 Oh, I must have a pint. 288 00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:47,533 My throat's spitting feathers. 289 00:10:47,633 --> 00:10:48,433 Oh. 290 00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,800 - All right. - What was that? 291 00:10:53,900 --> 00:10:55,400 I think it is somebody at the door. 292 00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:56,300 Come in. 293 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,133 Hello? 294 00:11:08,233 --> 00:11:09,733 Is anybody there? 295 00:11:17,833 --> 00:11:18,767 Cheerio, Sid. 296 00:11:18,867 --> 00:11:20,600 See you Monday. 297 00:11:20,700 --> 00:11:21,500 Good night, Betty. 298 00:11:50,900 --> 00:11:51,733 Ah, it's no good. 299 00:11:51,833 --> 00:11:53,533 I can't get it open. 300 00:11:53,633 --> 00:11:54,567 I know. 301 00:11:54,667 --> 00:11:56,467 Why not we smash we smash the door up? 302 00:11:56,567 --> 00:11:57,400 Down. 303 00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:58,300 It's worth a try. 304 00:11:58,400 --> 00:11:59,100 All right. 305 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,000 Stand back, everyone. 306 00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:02,233 Be careful of splinters. 307 00:12:11,367 --> 00:12:13,800 You've nearly broken the door. 308 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:16,067 I think I've broken my arm. 309 00:12:16,167 --> 00:12:19,000 We are all going to die. 310 00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:20,533 Don't be so dramatic. 311 00:12:20,633 --> 00:12:21,967 Maybe we all shout again. 312 00:12:22,067 --> 00:12:23,433 I don't think my throat could stand any more. 313 00:12:23,533 --> 00:12:25,533 Hey, look. There's a man in the street. 314 00:12:25,633 --> 00:12:26,533 Oh, you're right. 315 00:12:26,633 --> 00:12:27,467 Help! 316 00:12:27,567 --> 00:12:28,367 Help! 317 00:12:28,467 --> 00:12:29,800 Help! 318 00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:30,800 Help! 319 00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:32,033 He won't hear us from up here. 320 00:12:32,133 --> 00:12:34,700 wave to him. 321 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:35,667 He's seen us. 322 00:12:35,767 --> 00:12:36,600 Good. 323 00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:38,133 He's waving back. 324 00:12:40,767 --> 00:12:43,000 He obviously thinks we're just being friendly. 325 00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:44,633 Ah, he's gone. 326 00:12:44,733 --> 00:12:47,767 We are all going to die. 327 00:12:47,867 --> 00:12:49,833 Nobody is going to die. 328 00:12:49,933 --> 00:12:51,633 What we need is something to attract 329 00:12:51,733 --> 00:12:53,467 the attention of the passersby. 330 00:12:53,567 --> 00:12:54,567 Yeah. 331 00:12:54,667 --> 00:12:57,133 Danielle should wave from window by herself. 332 00:12:57,233 --> 00:12:58,867 Yes, it still may not be sufficient to attract 333 00:12:58,967 --> 00:13:00,033 enough attention. 334 00:13:00,133 --> 00:13:01,500 It would if she took her clothes off. 335 00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,033 That's a good idea. 336 00:13:05,133 --> 00:13:05,967 No, it is not. 337 00:13:06,067 --> 00:13:07,300 Just sit down. 338 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:08,233 Everyone. 339 00:13:08,333 --> 00:13:09,400 Good. 340 00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:10,900 I'll just have to think this one out. 341 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:13,333 There must be a simple solution. 342 00:13:13,433 --> 00:13:14,633 Well, if there isn't, we'll just have 343 00:13:14,733 --> 00:13:17,333 to stay here until somebody misses one of us. 344 00:13:17,433 --> 00:13:19,967 But what if nobody is missing anybody? 345 00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:25,300 We could be being stuck here, together, until Monday morning. 346 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:28,267 We are all going to die. 347 00:13:28,367 --> 00:13:30,233 Ali, nobody is going to die. 348 00:13:30,333 --> 00:13:31,800 Only you is going to die. 349 00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:33,333 Me? 350 00:13:33,433 --> 00:13:34,933 Yes, because if you say that we're all going to die once 351 00:13:35,033 --> 00:13:35,933 more, I shall strangle you. 352 00:13:36,033 --> 00:13:37,300 Now, there are 11 of us here. 353 00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:39,067 It's quite obvious that sooner or later, one of us 354 00:13:39,167 --> 00:13:40,533 will be missed. 355 00:13:40,633 --> 00:13:42,700 Will you be missed, sir? 356 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,967 Well, no, but I live alone, in a flat, but, for example, 357 00:13:45,067 --> 00:13:46,267 take Danielle. 358 00:13:46,367 --> 00:13:50,167 I would love to take Danielle. 359 00:13:50,267 --> 00:13:51,667 I'm sure that being an au pair, 360 00:13:51,767 --> 00:13:53,633 your English family will miss you when you don't return. 361 00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:54,633 No. 362 00:13:54,733 --> 00:13:56,800 They are away for the weekend. 363 00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:57,733 Oh. 364 00:13:57,833 --> 00:13:59,033 Oh, well, I know. 365 00:13:59,133 --> 00:14:00,267 What about your English family? Are they away? 366 00:14:00,367 --> 00:14:01,267 No. 367 00:14:01,367 --> 00:14:02,467 - They'll obviously be worried. - No. 368 00:14:02,567 --> 00:14:03,233 No? 369 00:14:03,333 --> 00:14:04,367 It's my weekend off. 370 00:14:04,467 --> 00:14:07,333 I was spending it with Danielle. 371 00:14:07,433 --> 00:14:08,733 We are all going to die. 372 00:14:08,833 --> 00:14:11,033 Ali! 373 00:14:11,133 --> 00:14:12,600 Well, Taro, what about you? 374 00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:13,700 You're married. 375 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,100 I mean, won't your wife miss you? 376 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,033 Wife is already missing me. 377 00:14:19,133 --> 00:14:20,167 Well, there you are. 378 00:14:20,267 --> 00:14:24,433 Unfortunately, she is with parents. 379 00:14:24,533 --> 00:14:25,333 In Tokyo. 380 00:14:28,233 --> 00:14:29,633 Well, uh, but what about you, Giovanni? 381 00:14:29,733 --> 00:14:30,800 I mean, you work in a restaurant, 382 00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:32,133 and surely your employer will miss you. 383 00:14:32,233 --> 00:14:33,633 Yea, sure he's going to miss me. 384 00:14:33,733 --> 00:14:35,733 Yeah, well, so, presumably, he'll do something about it. 385 00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:37,833 Yeah. 386 00:14:37,933 --> 00:14:39,167 He's going to give me the sack. 387 00:14:42,033 --> 00:14:44,300 Look, somebody here is bound to miss somebody. 388 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,167 And if the worst happens, then we'll-- 389 00:14:47,267 --> 00:14:48,133 well, don't worry. 390 00:14:48,233 --> 00:14:49,433 We can survive the weekend. 391 00:14:49,533 --> 00:14:51,167 We've got plenty of food and drink. 392 00:14:51,267 --> 00:14:52,833 We just have to keep our spirits up, 393 00:14:52,933 --> 00:14:54,133 try and keep cheerful, think of things 394 00:14:54,233 --> 00:14:56,033 to do to pass the time away. 395 00:14:56,133 --> 00:14:56,967 I tell a joke. 396 00:14:57,067 --> 00:14:57,867 Good idea, Giovanni. 397 00:14:57,967 --> 00:14:58,833 We'll all tell jokes. 398 00:14:58,933 --> 00:14:59,800 That'll help pass the time. 399 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,667 Go ahead, Giovanni. 400 00:15:01,767 --> 00:15:03,100 OK. 401 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:07,933 There was this man and he had gangrene in the leg-- 402 00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:09,567 Are you sure this is a joke? 403 00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:10,500 Sure. 404 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:11,600 It's very funny. 405 00:15:14,900 --> 00:15:19,667 Anyway, he goes to the hospital to have the leg chopped off. 406 00:15:19,767 --> 00:15:23,533 After the operation, when he comes back to being conscious, 407 00:15:23,633 --> 00:15:28,200 he sees the doctor looking very worried. 408 00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:31,000 "What's the matter, doctor," he say. 409 00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:35,900 The doctor reply, "Senor, I've had the bad news, 410 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,100 and I have the good news." 411 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:43,167 So the man say, "Hokey, cokey. 412 00:15:43,267 --> 00:15:44,833 Give me the bad news." 413 00:15:44,933 --> 00:15:48,433 And the doctors say, "I've chopped off the wrong leg. 414 00:15:51,267 --> 00:15:53,300 "Santa Maria," the man say. 415 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:54,900 "Well, what's the good news?" 416 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:59,067 And the doctor say, "Your other leg is getting better!" 417 00:16:04,433 --> 00:16:06,133 Go on. 418 00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:09,933 But that's the joke. 419 00:16:10,033 --> 00:16:10,900 Very droll. 420 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,800 Ah, another Uncle Ned. 421 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:16,200 Has anybody else got a funny story? 422 00:16:18,767 --> 00:16:23,367 Do you know, It takes two Sikhs to milk one goat? 423 00:16:23,467 --> 00:16:24,133 Two? 424 00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,667 Yes, please. 425 00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:28,833 One to be holding the tits, and one to be pulling the goat 426 00:16:28,933 --> 00:16:30,767 up and down, up and down. 427 00:16:35,133 --> 00:16:39,200 And do you know that in Pakistan, they have no ice? 428 00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:45,533 Because the man who is known to be making ice has emigrated. 429 00:16:45,633 --> 00:16:48,467 Are you saying all Pakistanis are stupid? 430 00:16:48,567 --> 00:16:49,433 No. 431 00:16:49,533 --> 00:16:52,433 Just you. 432 00:16:52,533 --> 00:16:53,267 Sit down. 433 00:16:53,367 --> 00:16:55,633 No more racialist jokes, please. 434 00:16:55,733 --> 00:16:57,033 Anybody else got a funny story? 435 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,367 Funny story, a joke? 436 00:17:00,467 --> 00:17:01,133 Cheese steak. 437 00:17:01,233 --> 00:17:02,033 Ah, a cheese steak. 438 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,967 Yes, well I'm sure that was extremely hilarious, if you 439 00:18:10,067 --> 00:18:12,100 only knew what it was about. 440 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:15,167 Taro, what about a Japanese joke, in English please? 441 00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:27,767 Old Japanese proverb say, man who seduces girl 442 00:18:27,867 --> 00:18:31,433 on hillside, not on the level. 443 00:18:36,233 --> 00:18:38,067 That's very clever. 444 00:18:38,167 --> 00:18:43,067 Xiu Li, what about a sample of Chinese humor. 445 00:18:43,167 --> 00:18:45,100 In Democratic Republic of China, 446 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,633 we have no time for decadent, bourgeois humor. 447 00:18:48,733 --> 00:18:51,067 No, I don't suppose you do. 448 00:18:51,167 --> 00:18:52,367 Danielle, what about you? 449 00:18:52,467 --> 00:18:54,700 Oh, I have a French joke for you. 450 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,100 Good. 451 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,500 Yes, I'll tell you about a Catholic priest. 452 00:18:57,600 --> 00:18:59,033 - Yeah, that sounds better. - Yes? 453 00:18:59,133 --> 00:19:00,200 Yes No, no, no. 454 00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:01,267 Tell us your lot. 455 00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:11,167 Well, there was this priest out walking, 456 00:19:11,267 --> 00:19:13,567 and a comes up to him and say, 457 00:19:13,667 --> 00:19:15,000 "Father, come quickly! 458 00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:16,800 There's a man on top of the Eiffel Tower 459 00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:18,400 and he's going to jump." 460 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:22,200 So, the father goes to the tower and sees this man. 461 00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:23,300 "What are you doing? 462 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:24,667 You're mad! 463 00:19:24,767 --> 00:19:25,633 Think of your family! 464 00:19:25,733 --> 00:19:27,467 Think of your wife!" 465 00:19:27,567 --> 00:19:30,833 So, the man, he says, "My wife has left me. 466 00:19:30,933 --> 00:19:34,067 I have no family, so I jump." 467 00:19:34,167 --> 00:19:37,100 So, the priest, he tries one more time. 468 00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:41,467 So he says, "But it is a sin against the Catholic " 469 00:19:41,567 --> 00:19:44,800 and the man, he says, "I am not a Catholic." 470 00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:45,967 "OK," says the priest. 471 00:19:46,067 --> 00:19:47,067 "Jump." 472 00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:56,533 Yes, Anna, what about a German joke? 473 00:19:56,633 --> 00:19:57,700 I do not know any jokes. 474 00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,033 No? 475 00:19:59,133 --> 00:20:01,733 Hey, Professore, why don't you tell us a joke? 476 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:06,200 All right. 477 00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:08,200 I'll tell you one that I heard at my last school. 478 00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:09,500 One of the boys was sent home one day 479 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,067 and his father asked him why was he sent home, 480 00:20:11,167 --> 00:20:12,333 and refused to tell him. 481 00:20:12,433 --> 00:20:13,733 So the father went to see the headmaster, 482 00:20:13,833 --> 00:20:14,867 and the headmaster said, "I'll tell 483 00:20:14,967 --> 00:20:16,433 you why your son was sent home. 484 00:20:16,533 --> 00:20:18,367 When one of the teachers asked him who pushed over the walls 485 00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:21,633 of Jericho, he said, 'It wasn't me.'" So the father said, 486 00:20:21,733 --> 00:20:23,567 "Well, if he said he didn't do it, he didn't do it." 487 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:27,633 Excuse, please. 488 00:20:27,733 --> 00:20:28,700 What's the matter, Ali? 489 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:29,967 Didn't you understand the joke? 490 00:20:30,067 --> 00:20:33,233 Yes, but what I don't understand, who did 491 00:20:33,333 --> 00:20:37,300 push down the walls of Jericho? 492 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:40,533 Ah, well, anybody else got a joke? 493 00:20:40,633 --> 00:20:41,933 No? 494 00:20:42,033 --> 00:20:43,600 What about a sing song? 495 00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:47,633 I am knowing good English sing-song all about 496 00:20:47,733 --> 00:20:50,967 rolling me over in the clover. 497 00:20:51,067 --> 00:20:53,600 I don't think we want that one, thank you. 498 00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:55,300 Does anybody know "Daisy"? 499 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:58,700 - Is she beautiful? - No, it's a song. 500 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:00,200 "Daisy." 501 00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:06,300 It goes like this, "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do. 502 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:12,133 I'm half crazy over the love of you-- 503 00:21:12,233 --> 00:21:15,300 "Oh, well, I know we'll 504 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:20,733 meet again some sunny day. 505 00:21:20,833 --> 00:21:21,700 Some sunny day!" 506 00:21:26,667 --> 00:21:27,533 Excellent! 507 00:21:27,633 --> 00:21:28,500 Very nice. 508 00:21:33,733 --> 00:21:34,533 Right. 509 00:21:34,633 --> 00:21:36,000 What should we sing next? 510 00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:37,500 Can't we have a rest? 511 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:38,433 I don't know that one. 512 00:21:38,533 --> 00:21:39,333 Is it French? 513 00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:46,400 Yes, I'm sorry, can anybody tell me the exact time? 514 00:21:46,500 --> 00:21:49,800 Three minutes after 11. 515 00:21:49,900 --> 00:21:51,100 Good. 516 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:53,200 Only another 58 hours until Monday morning. 517 00:22:00,667 --> 00:22:02,667 - My wife's an angel. - You're lucky. 518 00:22:02,767 --> 00:22:03,767 Mine's still living. 519 00:22:07,233 --> 00:22:08,233 What's that? 520 00:22:08,333 --> 00:22:08,967 Hallo! 521 00:22:09,067 --> 00:22:10,600 What's that? 522 00:22:10,700 --> 00:22:13,467 I must be as drunk as you are. 523 00:22:13,567 --> 00:22:16,300 There's a teacher waving at me through the window. 524 00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,067 On I'm obviously worse than I thought. 525 00:22:19,167 --> 00:22:21,267 I can see him, and I don't even know him. 526 00:22:27,467 --> 00:22:28,800 I hope you haven't dragged me down 527 00:22:28,900 --> 00:22:29,967 here on a wild goose chase. 528 00:22:30,067 --> 00:22:32,067 I'll tell you, I definitely saw him. 529 00:22:32,167 --> 00:22:33,500 It's most inconvenient. 530 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:36,133 It's not my fault if I lost the key to the front door. 531 00:22:36,233 --> 00:22:38,367 Of course it's your fault, you silly little man. 532 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:42,900 Ah, at last. 533 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,300 Miss Courtney, how nice to see you. 534 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:46,200 I'm afraid I can't return the complement. 535 00:22:46,300 --> 00:22:47,367 Come on, come on. 536 00:22:47,467 --> 00:22:48,300 On you go. 537 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:49,033 Good night. 538 00:22:49,133 --> 00:22:50,200 Good night. 539 00:22:50,300 --> 00:22:51,900 Sorry about all this. 540 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:52,833 Hurry up. 541 00:22:52,933 --> 00:22:53,733 Good night. 542 00:22:53,833 --> 00:22:55,467 Quickly. 543 00:22:55,567 --> 00:22:58,933 I'll go and see if there's anybody else about. 544 00:22:59,033 --> 00:23:00,467 I really am very sorry. 545 00:23:00,567 --> 00:23:01,767 I should hope you are. 546 00:23:01,867 --> 00:23:03,000 Hope it hasn't inconvenienced you-- 547 00:23:03,100 --> 00:23:05,167 Well, of course it's inconvenienced me. 548 00:23:05,267 --> 00:23:08,433 I was quite happily curled up in bed with Daphne du Maurier. 549 00:23:10,900 --> 00:23:11,833 I am really sorry about this. 550 00:23:11,933 --> 00:23:13,133 Oh, uh, I've, uh-- 551 00:23:13,233 --> 00:23:14,300 Now what's the matter? 552 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:15,633 I've left my shopping in the class. 553 00:23:15,733 --> 00:23:16,800 Well, for heaven's sake, hurry up and get it. 554 00:23:16,900 --> 00:23:17,733 Thank you. 555 00:23:26,267 --> 00:23:28,000 For heaven's sake, are you going to take all night? 556 00:23:28,100 --> 00:23:29,100 No, no. 557 00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:30,167 I'm just putting these things away. 558 00:23:30,267 --> 00:23:30,567 - Well, do hurry up. - I will. 559 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:40,967 Sid? 560 00:23:41,067 --> 00:23:43,367 Sid! 561 00:23:43,467 --> 00:23:45,467 Sidney! 562 00:23:45,567 --> 00:23:46,600 Oh, for heaven's sake. 563 00:23:46,700 --> 00:23:47,900 We're locked in. - Oh, well, we mustn't panic. 564 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:49,100 We can last out until Monday morning. 565 00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:50,200 Have a carrot. 566 00:23:50,300 --> 00:23:51,633 Let's have a sing-song, shall we? 567 00:23:51,733 --> 00:23:52,533 Should we start with "Daisy"? Do you know how it goes? 568 00:23:52,633 --> 00:23:53,700 "Daisy, Daisy--